Favorites from The Batboard BBS!

And now, straight from The Batboard...

Phil's New Plots! - You will be VERY impressed by Phil McKenna's original plot outlines for brand-new Batman episodes based on his new BatVillains... with new stars and celebrities! It's too bad that he was just a kid when the original episodes were being written... (Chuckle) This file is in Adobe Acrobat format, so it can be viewed and printed on any computer that runs Acrobat Reader.

Phil's New BatVillains! - Wait a second... Woody Allen? Mariah Carey? JOHN MCENROE? Yes, the fertile mind of our own BatClub regular Phil McKenna has dreamed up a great selection of *new* BatVillains, so download this file and study their descriptions in depth -- then join us on the BatCave's 60's TV BatClub and review them! This file is in Adobe Acrobat format, so it can be viewed and printed on any computer that runs Acrobat Reader.

From Todd Felts, here's the Top 23 Pitfalls of Owning a Real Batmobile:

1. Wife giggles when you say you're going out to wax the Batmobile.

2. Friends don't think the "whiff of Bat Gas" bit is funny anymore.

3. Kids think you're weird enough without having them say "Batteries to power, turbines to speed." "...and who's Roger?"

4. It's hard enough to see out of the windows without the dog lick.

5. State Farm won't cover incidents involving the chain slasher.

6. You forgot about the fake radio and ejected your wife... again.

7. Expected to know the Battussi.

8. Bat Phone really uncomfortable when cradled against your shoulder.

9. NAPA Auto Parts has to special order from Lockheed Martin.

10. Having to add the bumper sticker: "Stay Back 50 Feet. Not Responsible for Charred Bumpers."

11. Explaining to the judge why you were going 320 miles an hour over the limit.

12. Dead bugs constantly clogging the Bat Radar.

13. Wife's complaints about the lack of trunk space due to the Mobile Bat Computer.

14. Jiffy Lube doesn't have a clue.

15. No alternative fuel tax break.

16. People at traffic lights yelling out their windows "Da-da da-da da-da da-da Batman!"

17. One word. Rain.

18. The embarassing page "Attention K-Mart shoppers: There's a Batmobile in the parking lot with its lights on. License number TP-6597."

19. The exorbitant costs of Bat Parachute Pickup Service.

20. Installing a turntable in the garage.

21. No more drive-thru car washes.

22. Darn EPA restrictions on Atomic Pile in the back yard.

23. Bat Anti-theft alarms going off at 4 AM from cat walking across the hood.

You Know You've Watched Too Much Batman When:

1. You join the local fire department just so you can slide down the Bat-Poles when there's an emergency.

2. You insist on putting the phone under a glass cake cover.

3. Everything in the house -- down to the flyswatter -- is labeled with the prefix BAT.

4. You have to fight the urge to answer the phone, "Yes, Commissioner?"

5. You address strangers as "Citizen" and friends or co-workers as "Old Chum."

6. You go on E-Bay looking for a Bat Instant Clothes Changer.

7. You think that vending machines could be a trap with leg irons and knockout gas.

8. Seeing searchlights from mall openings causes you to run home, await a call from Police Headquarters and change into your costume.

9. You make people inhale sleeping gas when you drive them to your apartment to keep its location secret.

10. You think that all bookshelves should slide aside to reveal secret Batcave entrances.

11. You have an obnoxious sidekick that spits out "Holy-----" phrases.

12. You walk by an old warehouse and think "Batrang or Bathook?"

13. You lie to your Aunt a lot about your whereabouts.

14. You have an overwhelming desire to call any British man over 65 by the name "Alfred."

15. When you're engaged in a fix-it-yourself project and things aren't quite going right, all you can think to do is "REVERSE THE POLARITY!"

16. You unfold a plexiglass bulletproof shield every time a car backfires.

17. Your kitchen appliances are covered with randomly-blinking lights.

18. Your computer spits out punch cards and rings a motel bell when you get email.

 

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